Tuesday, May 17, 2011

How RatRodTV Started

The ad business turned to shit when the financial meltdown hit. I was bored stiff and going broke. I was killing time one sunday and happened across a car show in Vegas, and this particular car grabbed my attention.



 I thought you were supposed to spend your time and money getting rid of rust and covering up holes. This guy did neither. Steve, the owner, proceeded to fill me in on the details of the build. He found the car in a field in Nebraska, bought it for $50 and hauled it back to Vegas. He gave me a parts and money history. I found the whole process fascinating. Bing! More people should know about these recycled cars and the culture. I'll put my thirty years of television experience to work and produce a documentary!

SEMA 2009 was coming to Vegas and I had thirty days to make a plan and start shooting. I rounded up a three camera crew of guys I had worked with over the years and we set out to make "Rustville" a made for television documentary. I interviewed a few high profile car people and then hit most of the television car show hosts. Three cameras and the official crew tee shirts got a lot of attention and everyone we interviewed was more than cooperative.

While we were shooting a tall fella tapped me on the shoulder and handed me his business card. "What are you doing?" He asked. "Shooting a documentary on rat rods." I replied. "Why don't you do a television series. We'll put it on the air." Enter Charlie West, program director for R&RTV network.
What are the odds on that happening? We quickly abandoned the doc idea and went to work on creating a pilot for the network. Now what do we do with three days of interview footage? We turned them into web videos and fired up the RatRodTV Youtube channel.

How do you produce a thirteen episode television series with no money and no sponsors?

Stay tuned.

How Many Cars Have You Owned?



My first was the 54 Ford that got wrecked the night of my sixteenth birthday. I followed that up with a rusted 49 Chevy Torpedo back sedan that I bought with my cousin for $12.50 each. We took possession every other day. When it died we parked it in front of the Marathon station and charged people fifty cents to whack it with a sledge hammer. We got our money back. Then there was another 54 Ford only this one was a sedan and it was also green. I tolerated it because it was $75 and that is all I had. I ripped the 272 out and dropped in a Thunderbird 312. Never did run right after that. Then came the 55 Dodge Royal six cylinder sedan. Hit a chunk of ice one night and sliced the oil pan open. Patched it in a gas station with oil can wrapping and Permatex.

Got tired of that car real fast and bought my aunt's 1957 two-door Pontiac Safari wagon. It was yellow until her brother (who painted Stroh's beer trucks for a living) painted it burgundy. Inside of six months the burgundy paint began to fade from the top down. It looked like a half ripe tomato. That wagon honked and it came in handy at the drive-in. Blew the motor up in the 57 Olds rocket. Then came the black 59 Chevy Impala complete with a dual quad 348 and 45rpm record player. A real screamer and hardly ever lost a street race. I put so many rear ends in that car I had it down to about ten minutes. The police caught me having sex with my girlfriend in the trunk one night. I'll tell that story in another post.

Traded the 59 for a 61 four-door hardtop Bel-Air. I hated that car and sold it right after the honeymoon drive to Mackinaw Island. I had to stop every 50 miles or so to pound the 2x4 wood wedge between the generator and valve cover to keep the belt tight. I really stepped up when I bought the 65 Impala super sport. Strange note here, it was mint green! Got a bug one day and traded the 65 for a 1961 Chrysler two-door hardtop complete with a monster 413 sporting dual quad carbs. It wasn't a G car. If it was I'd still have it.



I came to Vegas in a 1963 Ford Galaxy with no air conditioning. That didn't work so I slid into a 65 Caddy that burned more gas than my Air Force pay would allow. I followed that up with a white on white 65 Lincoln suicide door model. Now that was a car. That's when I realized I was taking after my uncle John and picked up a 1955 Studebaker Commander. I'm going to stop right here because nothing I bought after the Stude mattered much. That includes six jeeps, a Scrambler and a Grand Wagoneer, two six window Chevy Trucks, Cadillac Cimmeron, two Chevy duallys, an 85 Mercedes turbo wagon, a 2003 Ford 350 piece of shit and an 08 Lincoln MKX. I bought that because the grill reminded me of the front of my 65 Lincoln. Nice nostalgic design cue.


I saved the 54 Bel-Air for last. I bought it for $350 and sunk six grand into it. Most of which went into chrome. That car made it on "Entertainment Tonight" when I drove it to Caesars Palace to fly-fish in the fountain. I had to sell it when I went broke in 1995 and the little woman ran off with a false teeth salesman. I wish I had them all back, except the 03 Ford piece of shit and the Cadillac Cimmeron.

Side note: one of the six window trucks, one Chevy dually, the Grand Wagoneer, the 07 Jeep Unlimited and the 03 Ford were all stolen. That's when I decided to pack it in and drive cars that nobody wants, thus an 89 Wrangler and a 98 Jeep Grand Cherokee serve as my daily drivers. So far, so good.

First Car




By the mid-sixties downtown Detroit had become a full fledged toilet and someone pulled the handle. It flushed the city and a shit-load of people flooded the suburbs. that's when the boys closed down the old station and bought a new Marathon "super" station in the burbs. It was magnificent! Modern. All glass, new pumps - a two hoister with real bathrooms which was a real step up from the toilet in the corner of the old garage. Everything changed including the caliber of customer. It was too far for Leroy to drive on fifty cents worth of premium.

Is fourteen too young to become a fully certified auto mechanic? I didn't think so, after all we had official new uniforms and a new tow truck! Along with new duties like changing oil, mounting tires and collecting money at the pumps. Our pay got bumped from fifty cents and hour to seventy-five! Tall cotton. My cousin Larry and I flipped coins to see who would wait on the next short-skirted teenage hottie who rolled up to the pumps. We took extra care in cleaning their windshields.

Some loyal downtown customers did drive out have their cars serviced. One in particular owned a two-toned light green 1954 Ford Crestliner that he bought brand new. The car was spotless and he told me he was thinking of trading it in. I foamed at the mouth. He sold me that car for $175.00! I was fifteen and did not have my drivers license yet. I was restricted to driving it around the gas station lot - only. Which I did a lot of including pulling it in the garage to change the oil and filter every week!

To me a green car is just wrong so my first act of hot rodding was to paint it flat black with spray cans. Remember this car was a cream-puff. Off with the hub caps. Out came the grill and front bumper. I jacked it up six inches and put lights in the front fender wells. And let's not forget the exhaust cut-outs and fuzzy rear view mirror muff.  I remember painting a name on the front fenders but I can't remember what it was. I probably added 1,000 miles to the speedo in the driveway before I got my license.

The day I turned sixteen I road tested in dad's 1963 Buick Wildcat! That car was strictly off limits until then. It was black with white bucket seats and the 401 V8 was a real burn-out machine. He never knew that. After work I jumped in the Ford picked up three buddies and drove around until three in the morning. That's when it happened.

I was in the process of dropping off my last passenger. A light rain began to fall. Bill asked if he could drive my car. I said, "Sure why not." Bill slid behind the wheel and off we went. Bill was a big guy for his age and he neglected to adjust the driver's seat. He tried to apply the brake while entering a left hand turn and his knee hit the steering column. As Ford began to slide sideways, I watched a telephone pole get larger through the passenger window. "Holy Shit!" Wham. The car T-boned into the pole, bounced off (Bill still had his foot on the gas) lurched forward, sliced through a guide wire and ran head on into a tree; motor still running.

"Get outta the goddamn car you idiot!" I yelled. "You almost killed us!" "Look at my car!" Turns out
Bill did not have a drivers license nor did he have any money to pay for the damage. I had to take the wrap for reckless driving and pay for the pole and the tree. As luck would have it we were only a few blocks from the gas station where I parked the smoking wreck. My insurance doubled, I had to pay a fine and my car was damn near a total loss.

I replaced the radiator, banged out some metal and sold it to a girl who worked at the hamburger stand across the street for $75. Nobody drove any of my cars until I got married and over the years all four of them wrecked my cars. Maybe it's just me.

I don't have any pictures of the cars from my teenage years. I was house-sitting for mother-in-law number two when she had her double-wide torched to collect insurance money and all of my photos went up in smoke. So did the marriage to wife number two shortly after that.

Detroit 1954




I think I was 6 years old when my dad began dragging me off to work in his "Speedway 79" gas station. It was located in downtown Detroit behind the Olympia stadium (where the Redwings used to play) and just a few blocks from the MoTown Studios. Not the best of neighborhoods at that time. Each morning began with letting the German Shepherds out of the building and locking them in the kennel so they would not attack the customers. Then I had to set up the pump island displays, stack oil cans, haul out the Bardhal racks, tire displays and change the price signs. The "gas wars" were in full battle mode. The lowest I remember was 8.9 cents for leaded regular and 11.9 cents for ethyl. Lead was big in the fifties. It was in the petrol, paint and pencils, and God knows what else.

Dad was grooming me to become a Detroit "car kid" with hopes of one day changing the business name to Willis & Son. I was really more interested in pitching for the Detroit Tigers. Al Kaline, Gordie Howe and Diana Ross used to drop in from time to time; just to name a few. The highlight of every saturday was the regular visit by my Uncle Les. He took me down to the corner tavern, set me up on the bar where I had a clear view of the street through the window and treated me to a coke. He would then proceed to bet the local patrons that I could name the make, model and engine of every car that passed. I was rarely wrong and uncle Les drank a lot of free beer. That was before all cars looked alike and kids were allowed in bars.

I wasn't old enough to pump gas but I did clean a lot of windshields with a long handle squeegie. I also picked up a lot of dog shit which I still do today. I spent a lot of summer vacations working in that gas station and watched the cars change from fat to flat fenders and grow fins. When the new models came out every year I was on my bike hitting all the new car dealerships, pawing over the new iron and collecting brochures. My mother threw them all out just before she ran off with a bongo player from Toledo.

Leroy, the local car detailer and long time customer used to visit the station every day for his usual peanuts and coke and get fifty cents worth of premium! He was a long and lanky black man who sported a kerosene soaked dew-rag on his head and a cloth diaper hanging from his back pocket. He taught me how to "slap" a car with a chamois and "diaper" buff chrome like a shoe-shine boy. I think it was somewhere in the early sixties when Leroy proudly rolled up in his new (to him) 1954 Chevy 235 six cylinder Bel-Air sedan and said, "Gimme fifty cents worth of premium and check the oil!" I had graduated to checking under the hood by then without a stool. This car had been painted baby blue with a brush! Coon tails dangled from the dual rear antennas. Fuzzy dice hung from the mirror. It sported headlight shades, a chrome swan with blue plastic wings sat proudly on the hood, Woody Woodpecker decals were pasted on the bubble skirts, spinner hubcaps accented the gangster whitewalls and it was all topped off by a black telephone receiver hanging from the bottom of the dashboard. Fake of course.
He rode around with the phone up to his ear talking to himself. He said, "It was to impress the ladies."

Dad would not let me do "tools" until I was twelve. He said it had something to do with responsibility.
You know, put it back where you found it. There was a wrecked 1954 Buick Roadmaster sitting on it's side in the vacant lot next to the station that had been there for years. Not uncommon for downtown Detroit. Now that I was twelve and had tool permission,  I proceeded to tear it apart, piece by piece until all that remained was a bare body and frame. I was very proud of my accomplishment until Dad said, "Now put it back together."



Dad is on the right. Tom Bowen, his best friend of 60 years is pictured on the left. Note the overalls and dapper leather gas station guy hat. We're talking grease monkey chic. Dad was not much of a hot rodder. As I remember, all of his cars were factory stock. He spent so much time fixing other people's cars, he had no interest in working on his own. Except for the tow truck which was a giant step up from the old road service jeep.



That's me on the running board. The new truck was supposed to increase business but I don't remember ever seeing it actually tow a car! I guess it's because when cars broke down in downtown Detroit the owners just left them where they quit. From what I hear, they still do that today. I do remember the old truck pushing a few out of snow banks. Dad was a window designer for a department store in Detroit before he bought the gas station. Note the hand lettering. He was a pretty good artist and quite the retailer. He bought a fancy new wheel balancer and dedicated the rear fenders to promote his new gizmo. A buck fifty a wheel plus weights. He used to let me push the starter gadget on the floor.




The guy on the right is my uncle John. He was the car guy in the family. His wife (my aunt) Helen
worked at a Buick dealership and it seemed like John had a new car every month. Buicks and Cadillacs only. Dad was the frugal partner and stuck with his 1950 Ford until he drove home in a brand spanking new pink and white 1955 Ford Crown Victoria - V8 no less! Loved the motor. Hated the pink. It would have been the perfect car to promote breast cancer but, the only breast awareness they had back then was on pin-up calendars in the garage.

So why am I telling you this story? Because this is really where RatRodTV started. Flashback: I never did put the old Buick back together. I didn't have a clue. True to this day. I'm a lot better at taking them apart than I am at putting them back together.  And that's why I recruited Rick Ackerman to do our
RatRodTV Essex build.  More on this later.